Hey there!
Dummies, pacifiers, binkies. It doesn't really matter what you call them, they're certainly helpful parenting tools, right!?
However, we certainly see dummies become less pacifier and more major sleep disruptions for some kids!
Here is your complete dummy guide including when they're useful, how to get your babe to take the dummy, when to ditch it (and how to do that dreaded dummy ditch!) and how to teach your kiddo how to find and replace their own dummy, if you choose to keep it around as a sleep association.
0-4 Months
During the first few months of life, dummies can be a fkn lifesaver. For our "colic" babies, being able to give them something other than a boob to engage that calming sucking reflex and get mum a bit of rest, they are incredible. They're also great for babies who hate the car, are struggling with reflux and are really gassy. Of course, it's important to make sure feeding is established well before using and that you aren't using pacifiers in the place of feeds at this age!
4-6 Months
If we're still using the pacifier at this age, it can start to cause some major sleep disruptions with your kiddo! They can become super dependent on the dummy at this age and don't yet have the physical ability to find and replace the dummy. If you're finding that your babe is waking up several times a night and settling the second they have the dummy back in their mouth, it might be time to consider ditching the pacifier. If they're falling asleep with it but sleeping fine overnight and don't seem over reliant on it, it's completely fine to keep it around and I honestly love a dummy when we're helping bub settling in the cot, it's a GREAT calming tool for this transition!
6+ months
If your kiddo still has the dummy past this age and is pretty dependent on it, I would generally recommend that rather than ditching it, we work on teaching your babe how to find and replace their own dummy. This is a skill they are capable of learning from around 6-8 months old and when they learn it 😮💨🤌🏼 If they have the dummy still past this age, you're usually best off keeping it until they're around 2-3 years old and can understand the concept of the dummy fairy or similar, assuming that it's not causing any issues with teeth/speech.
To teach find and replace, start by creating a game around it during wakeful hours! Get their pacifiers, place them around your babe on the floor and ask them to "find their dummy!" when they do, wait until they put it in their mouth, then praise and remove and start again. At night, rather than putting the dummy directly into their mouth, put the pacifier into their hand and guide their hand to their mouth instead. Once they get this, grab their hand and help them to find the dummy. Remember to always ask them to "find their dummy!" as this will help their brain to understand that verbal cue as a sign to go looking for it.
Ditching the dummy - Under 6mo
If you're ready to remove the pacifier all together and your child is under 6 months old, the kindest way to do it is cold turkey. Pick a day when you're able to provide extra support and go for it! Usually the worst of it is over in 2-3 days, but your little one will likely get pretty upset at first and will need some extra help in the form of feeding, rocking, cuddling or patting to get through this transition!
Transitioning away from the pacifier - toddlers
Ditching dummies for toddlers can be nothing short of terrifying - I get it! I'm just about to go my third round 🫠 But here are some of my top tips for gently removing the dummy for your toddler.
Before you do ANYTHING, please make sure you are limiting the pacifier to bedtime only. It's really common for toddlers to become extremely attached to their pacis and want them all day long, but trying to ditch the dummy if your kiddo falls into this category will be traumatising for all involved. This is a BOUNDARY issue, not a child issue!
Coming up on the big day, ensure you're talking to your toddy about what's to come. I've always found things like "you're a big girl/boy now" "babies use dummies" "you don't need your dummy because you're a big kid now" go down quite well with this age group.
My most successful dummy ditch was with my middle child. We decided his third birthday was the day, and I started talking to him about it MONTHS prior. 3 days before his 3rd birthday, he handed me his dummies, told me he was a big boy and didn't need them anymore, and that was that 🙏🏻 because it was his decision we had no big emotions, no issues at all.
Here's some tactics 👇🏼
- The Dummy Fairy Magic: Introduce the concept of the Dummy Fairy, a magical creature that leaves special surprises in exchange for their pacifiers. You can plant their dummies in the garden and come back to find a toy has grown out of them!
- Gradual Weaning Strategies: If going cold turkey feels too abrupt, opt for a gradual approach. Limit pacifier use to specific times, gradually reducing its presence over time. This could look like only nap/bed time, then only bedtime, then taking it away half way through the night. This is probably not my favourite option, but could work for some kids!
- Trade-in System: Create a trade-in system where your toddler can swap their pacifiers for small rewards or treats, turning the transition into a positive and rewarding experience. This can work really well if your babe has several and wants to do it over a few days!
Please don't cut the tip of the dummy off! This is not only a choking hazard but IMO is a pretty harsh way to ditch the dummy, especially if you've given your little one no warning it's coming.
It feels daunting as hell, but it you'll probably find it's actually easier than you expect!
Good luck and happy paci ditching!
