If your child is almost 2 and has suddenly turned into a screaming, no sleeping bully, read on. This age is an absolute MONSTER. The changes your little one is going through are huge, think imagination forming, language development and a NEED for control.
Unfortunately, they're also missing the part of the brain that allows rational thinking, emotional regulation and impulse control, so it can make it a bloody riiiiiide!
I’d like to preface this by saying, I understand it’s hard, I truly do. My daughter is stubborn AF, her temperament is not meek by any stretch. This is not coming from a person who has just read a couple of books and spewed that out, 2/3 of my kids are absolute fire breathers. I still sit with all of them to go to sleep, it’s possible to have boundaries AND support them.
The juicy stuff 💤
1️⃣ Keep as consistent as you can - think nap timings and bedtime as close to the same time as you can each day. This will allow their internal body clock to sync up to sleep time and will make them way less of a PITA to go to sleep.
2️⃣ Imagination starts to form at this age which can bring with it a fear of the dark. Try a nightlight.
3️⃣ Boundaries are so so so fucking important I cannot stress this enough. PLEASE keep your boundaries around sleep tight as you can. Do not say something you have no intention of following through with. I like to keep boundaries simples - you need to stay on your bed, we’re staying in your room until you fall asleep kind of deal. I’ll cuddle, put you down, Pat etc, but we stay on our bed.
4️⃣ Nap refusals and blown out bedtimes are really really common at this age, but the more you can give them the opportunity to sleep at those times the faster this will pass. If you need to use a drive here and there go nuts, a nap is better than no nap. If there is no nap, go for an early bedtime. It will happen here and there and that’s okay, you cannot force them to sleep. All you can do is offer the opportunity to sleep.
5️⃣ Do not drop the nap. I repeat. Do not drop the nap. 2yos need their sleep, tired 2yos are not a vibe, the tantrums will escalate. I understand that it’s way easier to get them to sleep when this is done, but honestly it’s likely to cause other problems.
6️⃣ Sleep needs will often drop at this age, but not a full nap or 3 hours late bedtime drop. I usually tweak by 30 minutes at a time at this age e.g., try cutting the nap from 2 hours to 1.5 hours. Leave that a few days to a week then cut elsewhere by the same amount.
7️⃣ If they need extra assistance than they have previously to go to sleep (e.g they’re screaming overnight or won’t self settle anymore), try to decide what that will look like. Remember you are emotional about this and feeling guilt, toddlers are just mostly pissed off as a general rule and they’ll outlast you everytime on it. Can you camp out in their room so you’re close by to support? Is giving them a bit more time to try to resettle themselves an option? If they’re not upset I would go with the latter, always.
8️⃣ I’m not a believer of the whole don’t make eye contact thing, but if I was, it would be at this age. The less interaction we can have at bedtime the better, it’s not time to be engaging and connecting, it really isn’t. You should be doing plenty of this during the day so they’re not seeking that at bedtime. Lack of 1:1 connection can be a huuuuge cause of blown out bedtimes and wakes overnight at this age. Try to muck around with your bedtime routine to include more of this and find pockets of time during the day wherever possible. If they’re trying to talk to you a simple “it’s time to go to sleep babe” is sufficient, you don’t need to answer why the sky is blue and if crocodiles are friends with sharks (scenes from my bedtimes
)9️⃣ And lastly, this age group is going through very large cognitive changes. They need you to be a parent. They need boundaries, they need love, they need emotional regulation and they need connection. We need to be providing these things in spades, especially when they’re going through a rough patch. This means you also need to take care of YOU during these periods, because a burnt out mum is not going to be able to provide a 2yo what they need, it’s just not possible. They’re inquisitive, they’re full of energy and their emotions are all over the shop. Get your sleep, get your exercise, eat well.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk
